We realize that police business is serious, but every once in a while there are entries in the local police log that make us chuckle.  We thought we’d share them.  Tuesday, May 31, 12:19 p.m. Reading Police asked the Department of Public Works to remove unauthorized “Stop for Pedestrian” signs placed at the crosswalks near the intersections of Franklin Street and Pasture Road and Franklin Street and Van Norden Road. Police reported they did not know who placed the signs there. This is quite possibly the most benign vandalism anyone has ever committed in the history of civilization, ever. …

We realize that police business is serious, but every once in a while there are entries in the local police log that make us chuckle.  We thought we’d share them.  Sunday, May 22, 1:31 a.m. A John Street resident reported a man lying in the roadway. An officer spoke to the man, who said he was running with a friend when he fell. The man refused medical treatment and both continued on their way. Given the time stamp, it’s likely that this guy was sauced. That may have hurt in the morning. Wednesday, May 15, 8:25 p.m. An officer came upon a young boy lying in the street. The officer discovered …

We realize that police business is serious, but every once in a while there are entries in the local police log that make us chuckle.  We thought we’d share them.  Tuesday, May 10, 9:40 a.m. A Danvers man reported that he visited an Old Farm Road residence to perform a requested estimate for service. Upon his arrival, he told police, the homeowner came out of the house screaming at him. He never made it past the sidewalk, he said, but he won’t be going back. What happened to ‘the customer is always right?’ Tuesday, May 10, 7:09 p.m. An anonymous caller reported two raccoons fighting in a …

We realize that police business is serious, but every once in a while there are entries in the local police log that make us chuckle.  We thought we’d share them.  Monday, May 2, 3:22 p.m. A Forest Street resident reported finding small coffins and a guillotine in the woods near the Burbank YMCA on Arthur B Lord Drive. An officer determined that the items looked like leftovers from the YMCA’s Halloween party and suggested the resident speak with the Y. My alternate theory? Feral children were playing French Revolution in the woods. Monday, May 2, 8:20 a.m. An officer responded to a burglar …

We realize that police business is serious, but every once in a while there are entries in the local police log that make us chuckle.  We thought we’d share them. Monday, April 25, 9:19 a.m. Reading Police and Fire responded to the Burbank YMCA where a man dropped a weight on his foot. I’ve dabbled in some high-intensity workouts. One of them involved a weight-lifting technique called the “clean.” It requires that you haul and Olympic-style bar off of the floor to about chest level, then duck under the bar such that you end with it across the front of your shoulders. I disliked this technique…

We realize that police business is serious, but every once in a while there are entries in the local police log that make us chuckle.  We thought we’d share them. Friday, April 15, 2:20 p.m. A Lowell Street resident reported that someone left a harassing message on his daughter’s voicemail threatening to harm her father if he did not repair a pothole. The resident had no idea who made the call. Of all the things to threaten someone over: a pothole? Really? Friday, April 15, 8:21 p.m. A Lynn man reported that he had gotten locked inside the Reading Athletic Club. The man reported that he had …

We realize that police business is serious, but every once in a while there are entries in the local police log that make us chuckle.  We thought we’d share them. Tuesday, April 12, 6:02 p.m. A Baldwin Lane resident reported that another man had a crossbow inside Reading Memorial High School. Police spoke to the man, who said the crossbow was for an art project, and that it was the bow only; he had brought no arrows. When police spoke to the man, the crossbow was secured in his vehicle. Let’s hope that the art project didn’t include a recreation of “William Tell”—which can quickly turn into a…

We realize that police business is serious, but every once in a while there are entries in the local police log that make us chuckle. We thought we’d share them. Sunday, April 3, 8:31 a.m. An officer responded to a report of a large bird on an Ash Street home and sent a duck on its way. What fowl fiend was this? We can’t have people storking around in this community—and we especially can’t have them ducking the police. Reading must be cured of this malardy at once! Sunday, April 3, 2:24 p.m. A Red Gate Lane resident reported a large raccoon that may have been sick in her yard. An officer …

We realize that police business is serious, but every once in a while there are entries in the local police log that make us chuckle. We thought we’d share them. Sunday, March 20, 9:12 a.m. A caller reported spotting an injured raccoon on Salem Street. The officer responding to the scene discovered that the animal was, in fact, a duck and was not in need of assistance. I have an aunt who once offered to help out preparing Thanksgiving dinner. She was told that she could peal the squash, at which point she picked up a zucchini. This—confusing a raccoon for a duck—reminds me of that. Wednesday…

We realize that police business is serious, but every once in a while there are entries in the local police log that make us chuckle.  We thought we’d share them. Friday, March 11, 10:57 a.m. Police responded to a report of a Lynnfield driver and a Wakefield driver exchanging threats over a parking space at 24 Walkers Brook Drive. There are two circumstances under which this may be acceptable: if it was the absolute last parking space available in the lot, or if it was the absolute first space in the lot, right next to the handicapped spot. On second thought: No, no it isn't. On the upside, …

We realize that police business is serious, but every once in a while there are entries in the local police log that make us chuckle.  We thought we’d share them. Monday, March 7, 3:55 p.m. An officer responded to Dudley Street where a Reading driver had struck a North Reading driver’s parked car. An officer issued a citation to the owner of the parked car for parking within 20 feet of an intersection. Insult, meet injury. And a parking citation. And body repair. Wednesday, March 9, 8:30 a.m. A Causeway Road resident who was cleaning up trash dumped on his property in January found an ID in …

We realize that police business is serious, but every once in a while there are entries in the local police log that make us chuckle.  We thought we’d share them. Friday, Feb. 25, 3:53 p.m. Police took an intoxicated Green Street man into protective custody after his girlfriend reported that the man was trying to fix her furnace. Is anyone else curious what sequence of events led a man who had consumed too much alcohol (a flammable substance) to decide that working on a furnace (a home heating device that tends to create flames) was a good idea?  This is further proof that alcohol consumption…

We realize that police business is serious, but every once in a while there are entries in the local police log that make us chuckle.  We thought we’d share them. Wednesday, Feb. 16, 4:50 p.m. Police assisted a driver on Haven Street who reported that her car’s key and brakes wouldn’t work. The vehicle started after an officer arrived. The officer attributed the problem to “operator error.” I’m guessing there was a standard transmission at work here. Remember: you need to step on the clutch AND the brakes to start the car. We’ve all made this mistake once or twice.  Thursday, Feb. 17, 6:30 a.…

We realize that police business is serious, but every once in a while there are entries in the local police log that make us chuckle.  We thought we’d share them. Friday, Feb. 11, 10:14 a.m. Police responded to Harrow’s Chicken Pies on Main Street where an upset customer had displayed a knife during an argument about his order. The customer told police that he had been upset with an order he placed before, and used the knife to cut open his pie to make sure there were no vegetables inside. No threats were made to any employees, police reported. The pie, however, suffered a serious injury and …

We realize that police business is serious, but every once in a while there are entries in the local police log that make us chuckle.  We thought we’d share them. Tuesday, Feb. 2, 6:00 p.m. Police received a report of a plow truck stuck in a snow bank near the intersection of Main Street and Bethesda Lane. Does this seem deeply ironic to anyone else? I’ll give most drivers a pass on getting stuck in a snow bank; roads are slippery, and most of our vehicles weren’t built for arctic tundra. But a plow truck? They’re supposed to make the snow banks, not get stuck in them. Sunday, Feb. 6 12:14 p.…

We realize that police business is serious, but every once in a while there are entries in the local police log that make us chuckle.  We thought we’d share them. Saturday, Jan. 29, 12:09 p.m. Police issued a verbal warning to a Windham, N.H. resident for driving a Bobcat on a public way.  Yes, the winter is that bad. The police actually had to issue a warning to a front-loader on a public street. Does anyone know if the Reading Police Department is trained to deal with polar bears? That might be next.  Monday, Jan. 31, 1:03 p.m. A County Road resident reported that she found a bat in her son…